Saturday, February 3, 2018

My 76th Birthday

76 years ago, January 27, 1942  at 12: a.m. a baby girl was born. She grew up being told by her mother. that a girl was never wanted. Her mommy always said until days before she died, that she never wanted to have girls only boys. The little girl grew up, survive her arduous life, hungry for the love of her mommy.   She could not mourn her dead Mother, she gave all her love to her daughter and sons. Her daughters were also very distant from her, and for unkown reasons. One day a beautiful little girl who became  her  sunshine, was born. Then 5 wonderful grandsons were born, who gave her life and a meaning and a will to live. Years after a great-granddaughter, sunshine of her sunshine and a 6th grandson were born. Today they have once again given  her a will to live after she gave up on life before going through surgery. Opening her eyes ,,to see those wonderful sweet grands and great-grands, was the sunshine she needed. Today is not her 76th birthday but her first birthday  in life, next to a wonderful caring husband, and loving grandkids. This is Ruth Minerva’s birthday, my birthday, God bless my grandchildren, once again I live for me, Marco, and them. I know I have more children,  I  love them all, but actions speak better than words, and they have shouted their feelings with their actions!

Listen, not just hear

Parents, take the time to listen,  understand, learn and know your children. Children do the same. No one ever listen to me. They heard, but never listened. Without knowing me everyone drew a conclusion about me, not taking the time to really know, understand who I am, or my  feelings. I tried to  understand, and help, but I was invisible. My life journey has been long, and arduous. Everyone had their conclusions about me without checking the truth. Finally my grandkids grew up, listened, learned, and dug out the truth, never doubting whom I have always been! We have finally communicated, they now know the truth as to who I am and have always been, not by me saying anything, but by their own conclusions to the truth..  Many tried very hard to badmouth me, they  portrayed me as a different person, but the truth always comes out. The oldest remember, now being adults they can speak the truth, about who is and has been. How people tried to envision me as the bad one. They remember  all and have cleared me from all bad  with their younger siblings.
I thank God, for I have always been alone, felt invisible. I am alone no more, for I have my wonderful grandchildren and great-granddaughter. Actions speak louder than words, and my Granddaughter and grandson’s actions  have shouted  with their actions. Now they know who and what I am and have been. Their mothers can no longer portray me as being a bad mother, person.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

My workouts at Volusia Flagler Family YMCA



In 2003, I decided to move to Florida, from New York City, and get away from it all! I always wanted to buy a house where I could spend my old age without burdening my children. One of my sons had moved to Florida, and I thought it would be best to have at least one of my children near me, in case of an emergency; my other children would not worry because one of them was nearby. I got away from it all alright, I found myself in the early 20th century. I thought that I had moved to “Father knows best land, and Mayberry, where Andy Griffith lived. You go outside and if you do not have your lights on it is total darkness, it’s like a ghost town. No stores nearby, we had to drive everywhere we had to go, no buses or trains. The neighbors live in their own world, a person dies and no one knows. Life in New York City is different, the neighbors care, we have transportation, and many other places to go. I began to gain weight, because there was nothing to do and nowhere to go except the big attractions like Disneyland, Wet-N-wild, Deltona Raceway and places that are very expensive. I was going out of my mind with boredom. We did go fishing some times. One day in 2009, I went to the Supermarket and discovered a gym for women only. I joined and was now able to go somewhere even if it was to do workout for 30 minutes. I looked forward to getting up in the morning to go to the gym for 30 minutes. The owner’s daughter also the trainer is very attentive, many of the women were very friendly. After working out for a year, I finally lost 15 lbs. We had a lot of fun, and one of the members loved to take cupcakes whenever there was a birthday. I loved making them laugh and looked forward to going to do my workouts.
Things were not going well at the Deltona location, and the daughter had to merge with the owner’s gym, in Orange City, Florida, They moved. and things began to change; many women could not go to Orange city because of the gas situation being very expensive. I started to go three days a week, because I could not afford the gas prices. I also began to feel uncomfortable; the ladies were not as friendly as the ones who went to Deltona. My back began to hurt again, and I was unable to walk. I had too many doctors appointment, and the medicines and drugs were not working. I was sent to rehab, where I got 4 needles in one day, and I had this done three times. Instead of getting better I got worse, I had to get a power chair because I could not walk. I decided to do my own home remedies. I bought a Dancing with the Stars Latin Salsa aerobics DVD, starring Maksim Chimerkovskiy, and Sheryl Burke, and did my workouts. It hurt in the beginning, but then I began to walk and feel better. I lost a couple of lbs; I even went to New York City to welcome my new grandson who was born August 2013. I lost more weight in NYC. When I returned home I decided to go back to the gym to continue my workouts, again, they moved to another location in a shopping center next to a big Department store, also in Orange City. It is a very classy place but smaller. I noticed that fewer of the ladies I knew were not going any more. Again I began to feel uncomfortable. Trainers are very nice ladies, the owner gave me a nice bag for my birthday, but I felt as if I was in ice. When we were in Deltona, I had my first book published, I gave the ladies a complimentary book signed, and when they moved, I was given the book back! I felt very bad because I donated the book so all the ladies would have a chance to read it, since there was a magazine and book case full of books for the ladies to take home read and return, but they treated my book as if it meant nothing. One of the other trainers took it home to read and bring it back for the other ladies to read, but she never returned it. I also had my second and third books published, I told them about it, I wanted the owner to know that I had named one of the characters on the book after their beloved deceased dog, but since I was ignored I change the name of the doggie.
Today we have Wal-mart, Walgreens, Publix and other stores around the corner, Lowes, CVS and other stores nearby, we also have buses, running more frequent, and the bus stops are nearby too.
I then decided to try the YMCA in Deltona. Marco and I went inside and the staff was very nice to us. I then decided to join. When I came out of the gym Marco was having conversations with the people sitting on the lobby. We went to the van and along the way home, Marco decided to join too. Marco is one not to like being in crowds, or socializing with people. But he enjoyed exchanging conversations with the people there. The following day Marco joined. We have been members for only three months, and already Marco started to lose weight and I too have lost weight.
I like the fact that I can stay on the machines until I do my full workouts, instead of having to get off the machines because someone else is waiting to get on! We can stay at the Y as long as we feel to socialize with others, have coffee, a complimentary from the Y staff.
I continued to go to the other gym three times a week, but then management installed new machines and asked the members not to wear their street shoes at the Gym. I did not understand and asked why at their website, but I got no reply. I was not about to get new sneakers just to go to the gym for 30 minutes. The Gym was beginning to sound too rich for me, although Sliver Sneakers pays for my membership. Maybe management did not understand, but I decided to go to the Y and do Silver Sneakers Aerobics, along with my regular workout, three days a week. I don’t have to travel to Orange City and I also save gas plus Marco accompanies me, instead of staying in the car having to wait for me at the parking lot near the other gym. Don’t misunderstand me, the gym in Orange City is a very good place to workout, but I like the service that we get at the Y.
If you have children, they have a baby sitting staff and they take good care of the children. Everyone is very supportive and friendly, they have Zumba classes, other aerobic classes, swimming classes, water aerobics, televisions and people of all ages attend.
I enjoy the fact that seniors of all ages do workouts and are treated with respect. Many companies contribute and volunteer to help. I am very happy to be a member of FOUR TOWNES FAMILY YMCA, they have also acknowledged me as an author of my three published books, RUTH MINERVA, my autobiography, Jadyn and Rojo the Red Alligator, a children’s book, and ETERNAL LOVERS, a Novella. I am also a Psychic reader and healer.
We even got our pictures taken and displayed with my books, and they were displayed at the front of the lobby. We were also acknowledged at their website.
I hope that our small donation helps in some way.
Marco and I have been welcomed and plan to be members of the Y as long as we can. FOUR TOWNES FAMILY YMCA is a wonderful place to go and workout, feel better about ourselves and socialize! If you visit the website you will be informed o the many programs they have. I will post the link, and pictures that I took at Four Townes Family YMCA.








Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Are you ready to live with a drug and/or alcoholic Abuser?

Are you ready to live with a drug or alcoholic Abuser?


When and if you ever meet a nice young man or woman, and they are very educated, sweet, desirable, well dressed, talk and sweep you off your feet, make sure that you know them well. If you find out that they either drink alcohol or use drugs, rung like hell and don’t look back. Believe me when I say, once a drug addict or alcoholic, will always be a drug addict and/or an alcoholic. Do not believe that they will ever stop, because they cannot. Cancer is decease, drugs and alcohol eats the mind, controls them. They are good kind hearted  and even hard working people, they mean what they say and promise, until their addiction takes over.

Many will try hard, they will go to programs, hospitals, and they may get clean for years or maybe decades, but one day the urge will take them back and the whole process starts again. I will break the two and try to explain the difference:

An alcoholic, not a social alcoholic or a weekend alcoholic, but a person who drinks every day cannot function unless they are drunk. Many alcoholics drink and bother no one, they just drink until they pass out, and one day their liver gives up and they die of either Cancer or other alcoholic related disease. We then have the alcoholic who likes to socialize and dance and have fun. Then we have the dangerous alcoholics who get violent, they ether like to fight other people, beat their partner up, or just go ballistic and break everything in their sights. Some have also killed someone. When they sober up, they cannot remember and the apologies and promises begin. They can be very convincing, their partner and/or family believe them and forgive. Days later the alcohol syndrome repeats itself. When the alcohol finishes and there is no money, that’s when the alcoholic goes desperate and demands money or will steal money to buy their alcohol. Many are smart enough to go to their friend’s and neighbor’s houses and get free drinks. This goes on for decades until the alcoholic kills someone, goes to jail or dies. The family and loved ones have already been mentally abused and finally some peace.

The drug addict has a more expensive addiction. Once they need the drug, they will get nasty, violent; they will steal everything including the kitchen sink. They will sell all the food in the house, including baby food, if you have babies, dog food, any kind of pet food, you cannot hide anything, because they will find it. They have this sixth sense to find money. They will also sell their clothes and whatever clothes they find. Many try to stop, they go to hospitals, programs, rehabs and they get clean for years, even decades. One day the urge comes back and they start using all over again, and the hell continues until they kill someone and go to jail, or die. Only then will their family and loved ones be at peace and relax.

The majority of the drug addicts, when they stop using drugs, start drinking alcohol, and become alcoholics. The escape from drugs to alcohol and hell continues even worse.

The partners and family become co-dependent; they cannot work, sleep or think, worrying about the alcohol or drug abusers. There is lack of sleep, worries that their belongings will disappear, the children if any will be in danger of either using, or becoming drug or alcohol abuser too. One cannot function when becoming co-dependent.

I know of this all to be true, because I have lived through both.

It is truly an ongoing nightmare, living with a drug and alcohol abuser.

I know many that have stopped and are living a happy life with their spouses. That is because their love for their family and for themselves is greater than the substance abuse. They do admit that the feeling is there and have fought the urge. Can you live the rest of your life like that?


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Stress, Anxiety attackd, Panic Attacks

Stress, Anxiety Attacks, Panic Attacks

One has to personally experience one of these three to understand fully.

Stress, what is stress?

Stress a feeling of strain and pressure. Symptoms may include a sense of being overwhelmed, feelings of anxiety, overall irritability, insecurity…

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death. Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat; anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived person with stress although many feel it occasionally.

Panic attacks may be symptoms of an anxiety disorder.

Panic attacks are sudden feelings of terror that strike without warning. These episodes can occur at any time, even during sleep. A person experiencing a panic attack may believe that he or she is having a heart attack or that death is imminent. The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them. Most people with panic attacks experience several of the following symptoms:
"Racing" heart
Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
Sense of terror, of impending doom or death
Feeling sweaty or having chills
Chest pains
Breathing difficulties
Feeling a loss of control

Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than ten minutes, although some of the symptoms may persist for a longer time. People who have had one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks than those who have never experienced a panic attack. When the attacks occur repeatedly, a person is considered to have a condition known as Panic Disorder

OK, now that I have explained what they are, If you do not know, or never experienced them, I will let you know how they actually feel. I know this, because I have experienced them. I have managed to control them with different techniques.

The latter information, I got it on line from experienced people. I am not saying that they will work for everyone, but I have not let them control my life.

If you have noticed one thing leads to another. Stress, Anxiety, Panic!

I consider myself to be a strong person, but life has given me stress. , When you have children and you find yourself alone, homeless, living from one place to the other, you also have a house and a car to maintain, Utilities, children, a lot of bills, and you lose your income; these will stress anyone up to the max. You try to find a way and you struggle to find a solution, and another problem arises. Your mind begins to close, you can’t think, the migraine headaches begin, you feel like screaming, you pray, but things do not change.

Now you find yourself alone whether it’s your fault or not, no one to talk to, no one to relate or understand. You look for help, but there’s no one. Your body begins to change, you get sick, you cannot function, you cannot think, you become helpless. You are about to give up on life. You start to get anxious, you want everything to change quickly, but nothing changes. You can’t talk to anyone for fear of no one understanding how or what you feel. You can’t breathe, you start getting angry, you want to run and run, you want to break everything around you, then you cry, scream or sing as loud as you can, but you go to a Doctor who will prescribe pills. The pills make you drowsy and they make you feel better, for a little while, but then, when you don’t drink them you start all over again. The anxiety begins, you are sleeping or you are sitting down quietly and your mind starts wondering. Again you get stressed out, you get anxious, and that’s when the Panic attack starts again. You can’t breath, your chest hurts, your head hurts, it starts getting hot, some people get naked and others faint, I get on my van and want to drive away to Timbuktu. I want to keep driving and driving and driving until there is no more road, then it will end when my van fall into empty space and it will all be over!

But have I done what I have been thinking? Have I let my body control me? NO!

We think that nothing can help us that it is all over; we have no one to live for. We have to live for ourselves; I look at myself in the mirror and start talking to myself. I ask myself am I really alone? I look around, my husband is there. Many that I know have their children, their siblings, their parents, friends who care. No one else was there before I met my husband. Many are truly alone, so what shall they do? In the end we have ourselves to live for. If we believe in God we have to wait for God to take us, not before. In the mean time, are we going to live our lives in fear?

Think, when we get stressed, anxious and panic, we are only hurting our loved ones, if we have them. No family, friends, are you alone? Are you going to bother strangers who will not give a dam? Do you really want to end in the mental hospital with people who like you have mental problems and will help drive you insane? That won’t help. Being afraid to die and not dying until God sends for you. Does it make sense? I don’t think so.

Instead look for a way out. Worrying will not pay the bills or feed anyone. The bills will have to wait. Let the bill collectors drive themselves insane, I did it! They can’t hurt you or take you to jail. It is not worth their time. You have no food? Go visit friends, or relatives, go to shelters. I never went to shelter; I always found a way to make money to feed my kids. Go fishing, I did. Where there is a will there is a way. Feel lonely? Go to the park, the beach, the mall, I am sure that you will find someone to talk to. Are you afraid of connecting with people? Are you a loner? It’s time to get out of that shell; all you can get is a no or get lucky and find someone.

Whenever I get mad,,,,,,, and feel lost, I hit the pillows, I go into the shower I scream, I let the tears flow, or I take my cymbal and throw it on the floor, the BONG, makes me feel good. If it is raining and there is thunder and lightning I go into the rain, get wet, and every time I hear the thunder I make believe it is my guardians hearing me and letting me know that all will be right.

Are you sick? Are you in pain? Excruciating pain? Can’t walk, can’t hear, eye problems? Learn to meditate, yes you can if you want to and really try! I have had all of the above. Think positive. Again, if you believe in God and have faith, he will help you. I know that it’s easier said than done, it is hard when there is no one there or a voice to sooth you. You feel like you are in a room where there’s no door, or window to get out. It gets dark and you want to scream but you know that no one will hear you. That’s when fear, stress, anxiety starts, then you try but nothing changes, you start panicking. But instead try to relax, think of good things that have happened in the past. OK, many of you like me do not have happiness in your dictionary of life. Sit or lay comfortable close your eyes, try to relax, and then imagine yourself where you want to be, forget about the world, this is “Me” time, your time to think about you. Imagine yourself dancing, you feel light you are in the air; you’re flying over a mountain. You land near a beautiful waterfall, there are beautiful flowers everywhere, butterflies of all color and sizes, animals of all kinds at peace with each other, you look up and the birds are flying or sitting on the tree branches. You are at peace, the birds sing and you are very happy. The water at the lake looks so clear and inviting. You then jump in the water and it feels just right. You float, then you swim, it feels very refreshing when it wets your face and body. Finally you get out of the water and lay down on the grass, watching the beautiful sky. You have no care in the world; all is perfect for those moments. Relax, relax, and relax!

It is time to go back to reality, but before you go back, you decide that you will live for you. You are not alone, for you have yourself and your guardian angels that God has sent to watch over you. You will decide to face the world and its problems, you will survive, and you will learn to survive. When a problem arises, try to solve it, if it does not solve right way, don’t stress for everything in life has an ending. Only God can decide when to end your life and it will not be an ending, but the beginning of new life.

 Be happy, no more panics, no more anxiety and get rid of the stress. You can chat with me, leave a comment, let me know if I helped a little, ask questions. Remember that you are never alone!



Thursday, February 21, 2013

Parenting: there is no right or wrong way to parent

I often read on Facebook and other site how a parent teaches their children. Is there a right way? My answer is, there is no right or wrong, A child will behave how they want as they grow older. They will learn when they go out into the world from other people. No matter how much we try they will go their own way.
However, how we as parents act and whatever we do, we are the ones that the children will learn from in their early ages. The examples we set, the rules we make them follow, the discipline we exercise, will start them in the direction they may follow.
Many parents believe that keeping their children at home, protecting them from the street, giving them everything they want, not allowing them to discover the world will save them. A mother who will not allow her sons/daughters to join activities, the armed forces, other groups, by letting them believe it is safe. A daughter or son graduates high school, goes to college, they either quit college or finish it. A mother decides it is best for her child to stay home where she can watch them or le them do as they please to make them happy. When these children become men or women, and their parents die, they are lost, no one to protect them any more. They do not know how to face the world and are like children. They will learn the hard way.
Then we have the parents that teach their children from adolescents how to survive. These parents let their children learn from the streets, making sure that they supervise their children, teach them right from wrong, how to defend themselves from bullies and not to bully. These parents let their children fall down and learn to get up by themselves, how to heal their own scrapes and burns. Teach them to fend for themselves, how to survive, give then tough love and understanding, and when they are left alone, they will survive and learn more.
Then again they will learn to live their own lives, and choose how to live their own lives. Many of them will hate you for a while but if they are wise, and appreciate what you have done for them, they will love you for teaching them to be independent and smart adults. Yes, many will not appreciate nor acknowledge your enduring and struggling to help and teach them, many will give the credit to someone else who does not deserve it, but knowing that you did or tried to do the right thing, is a great satisfaction
Whether they become good working men and/or women, professionals, criminals,Drug addicts, alcoholics, depends on them. If they are strong they will do the right thing, but if they are weak they will end up in jail, alone, dead, or lost.
I do not believe that drug addicts or alcoholics are sick people unless they have some kind of mental disorder that drove them to it.  I have seen many that I have saved, and lived with one who gave it up and is alive and doing good now thank God.
Society today does not even realize what is truly going on with humanity. The government does not let good parents discipline their children the correct way. Parents can no longer spank their kids or yell at them, because they call it abuse. Teachers are not allowed to discipline their students, because many of them abuse their rights.
Religions have changed and the new generation does not know what to believe in any more. I myself am an adult, a senior and am confused. Lucky for me that my psychic experiences have taught me to believe that there is a God and Goddess. No where in the bible have I read that woman has been given any rights, except to birth and serve man which I do not believe, but that is another discussion.
If we the seniors are confused, how do we expect the younger generation to behave? All we can do is try to teach and help them understand, that we too are confused, and teach them what we believe is right and wrong.

As I said in the beginning, how we behave is the example that we give our children, and when we do something we know is wrong, we try to explain why or pray that they will understand when they are adults. We cannot be perfect, but at least we can try and do the right thing and pray for the best.

This is my opinion, maybe you the readers may think different.









Sunday, February 10, 2013

Why am I a fightened Senior?

Why am I a Frightened Senior?

Sitting here on a chair at a social event by myself, everyone dancing and talking to each other makes me remember how invisible I feel in a room full of many people at times. No one even cares to take a moment to say hello or ask how I am doing. Is it perhaps because they think that I am old and senile and do not know how to carry a conversation? Is it perhaps because I talk too much? That may be it, sometimes without realizing it, I reminisce a lot. Is it perhaps because I have a hearing problem and they do not want to bother repeating themselves? Is it because I have a problem walking? No that’s not it, that can’t possibly bother anyone.
I look at myself in the mirror and try to improve my behavior when I go out. If I have nothing important to say, I won’t say a thing. I try not to shout when I talk. One thing is for sure, I am a well educated woman and will never make a fool of myself or act embarrassing. I know how to conduct myself in public. This happens to a lot of Seniors, for I am not alone with this.
I am an independent woman, and am having a hard time when my husband has to help me when I walk, talk for me on the phone because I cannot hear well. I use my cap-tel phone to speak with people but the operators are too slow to translate ad the other person gets frustrated because I have to pause to read the conversation. I get frustrated when I can’t understand. Some people do not understand, that I have a hearing problem and when they see my husband repeating, they automatically think that either I cannot speak English or am Senile and do not understand. Then they patronize me when I speak.
When my sons actually have to help me get on and off the car and help me walk, I appreciate it , but I feel so helpless. Yet I need the help, I have never been pampered or helped by anyone. I am not used to it.
I am so much afraid, that I too am becoming one of those old people who will be led to a chair at social events and left there, as if I was some coat hanging there until my owner comes to take me home. Yes, I am afraid, I am very afraid. I am still the same woman, if I can still write books, I can carry a meaningful conversation. I am a well educated woman.
I have come to realize that it is uneducated, ignorant, inconsiderate morons who are the ones that want to feel superior and have no common sense.
I should never feel that way and neither should any other senior who is still capable of living a normal life. I will not go where I know I will be treated like I am invisible. When asked why I do not go, I will say the truth. I will be treated with respect and as a human being or either stay home or go where I will be treated with respect. The fact is, that the people who treat me improper are uneducated illiterates, who either do not like me, do not know who or what I am, or threatened by older people like me.
A blind person can hear, a heard of hearing person can see and write, many handicapped people have normal abilities. We have feelings too and would appreciate some attention and be treated with respect and dignify us by paying attention to us while we still are normally and humanly capable.