Sunday, April 22, 2012

My 5th Wedding Anniversary

Five years agoApril 14, 2012,

I married a man, whom I had been living with for 16 years. When I finally accepted his proposal a lot of people were surprised, and his family and friends said. “IT’S ABOUT TIME.”

I had all my kids and grandkids together under my roof. I was ecstatically overwhelmed, not realizing that I would lose my three daughters, four grandsons, and one granddaughter, for committing a crime I did not realize I had committed.

The crime was writing a book, it was published that same year in December. I had planned for many years to write my autobiography. I kept a journal all those years. I do not deny that I wanted to let those who belittled me, demeaned me, humiliated me, made my life miserable for many years know what they had done. I also wanted my children to know how much they hurt me and how disrespectful and cruel they were to me. I could not tell the personally because they would never listen. None of them ever listened. I thought that perhaps when they read it, they would understand and realize how bad I was hurting and they would stop being mean and cruel to me. I also wrote the book so that others who have experience the same or similar experience would know that they are not alone, and know that they can survive. Instead my daughters convicted me as a bad mother, and stopped talking to me. I was portrayed as a bad mother and my grandsons stopped talking to me too. Even then I apologized in writing, texting, on Facebook, for unwillingly hurting them. It was never my intention to hurt my kids. They all ignored my apologies. I adore my kids, how can they think I would ever hurt any of them. I realize their Ego is hurt, I know they are angry; I also know and realize that the truth hurts and they refuse to admit it. I pray to God they stop this grudge before I or one of them passes away. I did my part as a god mother, I apologized. It is now up to them, they blame the book, but what happened before the book? My two boys, oldest granddaughter love me unconditionally and thank God they talk to me. My step-daughter read the book and apologized for her behavior with me.

I love my kids unconditionally, and will love them forever.

A week after we were married, my husband had a heart attack and almost died. That was the moment that I realized how much I loved him. I asked God to please not take him yet; we did not have time to enjoy our love. I felt that real love was born in my heart, a love that I had never experienced, a beautiful, clean, sensual and unconditional love, forsaking all others. God gave him back to me. No one knew the man beneath the person, everyone had been telling me to leave him, before we got married. I am glad I did not listen, for although he has his faults, he is the perfect man, not to mention tall dark and handsome too. In our old age, our love has grown stronger as the days go by, and we are as one, for we finish each others conversations, before either of us finishes, we do not have to talk to know what each other wants. That dear people is true love. I ask God every day to bless our marriage, as I asked the Goddess and spirits and powers of the elements, Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and all that is powerful and mighty to bless and protect our marriage, and us.

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